At the height of my insane trip down the rabbit's hole, I had an experience and a thought...or maybe I experienced a thought or something. The thought was that we experience everything at the molecular level. So it's like every cell experiences that which we think or that which we are, which is all very fuzzy, the thinking and the being. The point is that whatever it is, the being, pretty much happens at the cell level. Last night I felt lonely, on the cellular level. It was alaaaaaarming because in those fleeting instances, slowed down so I could really feel them, fucking weed, I was lonely on a microcosmic level - where every idea and thought and notion and aspect of my being was amplified into thousands and thousands of cells feeling the same shit. And I wondered if everyone feels this way, of if Leon's experiences were different...like maybe he didn't feel lonely, so much as he felt concerned...and maybe this thing that we feel in those moments when we feel so very much is the primary thing that we are, you know? Like maybe my crazy internal diatribe has been telling me all this time that my story is just this story of infinite loneliness, and though the upper level cells may mock it, the inner level multitudes experience this, every moment of every day. So maybe when stories trickle down from above to this internal infinite space ... that ocean I wrote about not so long back ... they affect the ocean, slowly. And when the change happens, it's a sea change, every particle, every ounce, every being in me changes...
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